


Beautifully Unconventional

by summerroad7



Category: Last Shadow Puppets
Genre: Alpha Alex/Omega Miles, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Angst and Fluff and Smut, But they switch because I'm kinky, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Implied/Referenced Cheating, M/M, Mutual Pining, Unconventional ABO Relationship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-14
Updated: 2019-10-14
Packaged: 2020-09-01 01:40:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 17,008
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20250052
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/summerroad7/pseuds/summerroad7
Summary: Unlike most people, who only love the idea of Alex Turner, Miles doesn't give a fuck about what Alex is supposed to be like.





	1. Chapter 1

1.

It’s impossible to pinpoint when exactly did he fall for Miles Kane, but along the winding road Alex did fall further and deeper, until the only way out is to carry on with the dive. One thing Alex can be sure of, though, is that “love at the first sight” isn’t the answer.

For a good while Miles stayed to be just a name on his contact list. Much later, Miles told him over whiskey that he might have hated Alex a little bit in the beginning.

“I didn’t know you very well, back then. Maybe it’s because you were a prick after a few sips, and you smelled nice. It put me in a bit of mither when you walked in.” Alex watched as Miles shook the empty shot glass in the air like a tambourine. “I don’t know. I probably wanted to be a bit like you.”

Alex gave him a silent smile, only nodding in agreement where Miles called him a jerk. “But now you see right through me, Miles.”

“I do, sometimes.” Miles corrected him, raising the glass. “But now I love you.”

2.

“Ah,” Miles freezes by the door of the dressing room, watching Alex spraying the special “deodorant” all over himself. The look on his face is difficult to define, but it’s clear as day that he knows what Alex is holding in his hands. “Sorry, mate. Just gonna grab me towel. Didn’t expect you to be in here.”

Either there’s truly a hint of repulsion in Miles’ tone, or Alex is again being overly self-conscious. Either way, he calls after Miles, begging him to keep a secret.

Miles’ brows jump at his request. One side of his lips curves up in surprise. “Seriously? You don’t want people to know that you’re an alpha?”

“My bandmates know already. We grew up on the same street.” Alex hides the suppression spray at the bottom of his backpack. He feels nervous for even asking, although it’s unlikely anyone can understand the reasons behind. They’ve known each other for only few days and Miles isn’t really the friendliest person in the world to him, which just lays some extra weight on Alex’s nerves. “Just…don’t tell anyone else, alright?” 

Miles shrugs, and goes back to search for his towel without looking at Alex twice. “Sure, whatever you say.”

3.

Alex presented as an alpha when he turned 15. On the morning of his birthday, Matt was waiting across the street for him as usual. The second Matt saw him, he threw both hands in the air with excitement. “Damn, Alex! Welcome to the club!”

Alex blinked up at him in confusion as Matt wrapped an arm around his shoulder. “What ya talking about??”

“You didn’t know?” Matt squeezed his arms a few times, laughing. “Al, I can smell you from the end of the fucking street! Both of your parents are beta though, right? That’s probably why. They can’t tell if you presented-”

“You’re saying I’m an alpha.” Alex struggled out from Matt’s side hug, trying to find any evidence that indicated this was a prank. Matt gave him a concerned frown when Alex didn’t smile. He kept asking what’s wrong on their way to school. 

At that time, Alex couldn’t even understand himself why he wasn’t over the moon: After all, being an alpha male was always considered the easiest way of life. He should feel _lucky._

Instead, Alex went straight to the pharmacy for a bottle of suppression spray, not feeling like patrolling around like this. Matt was with him. By the end of their walk, Matt had stopped asking questions.

The night Alex masturbated in the shower with the last hope that Matt might be wrong about this. He choked on a panicked cry when his knot popped out for the first time, hot and heavy in his palm. It felt weird, unnatural and disconnected from the rest of his body. 

Alex went to bed with a shroud of heavy feeling in his chest, which only dissipated years and years later.

4.

It took Miles a year and half to eventually warm up to Alex, which is a record breaker, considering how quickly he usually blends in with new people. Nevertheless, when Miles does become the one who says “Hi” first, Alex’s whole world turns upside down.

Alex doubts that Miles hasn’t been completely honest, about why before he wasn’t interested in talking to Alex, or being in the same room with him in general. But it feels so petty and unnecessary to mention it now as they’ve become one, and Alex’s can’t even remember what it was like when he didn’t have Miles as one of his closest friends.

A friend, and a bit more than that _if Alex drinks enough alcohol and gets overly hopeful. _

He is fascinated by the way Miles speaks without much care for others’ judgements. At some nights, Alex gets properly envious if Miles is so off his head and self-assured that it’s borderline annoying. Some other nights he simply loves the fact that Miles exists.

Alex wants to be more like him. _Or be with him._

5.

The first hint comes when they are again touring together.

Alex forgot his spray on the tour bus, and Miles is still in there when he climbs in. “You don’t always have to be so sneaky about it, do you?” In the strangest way, Miles makes his mock sound like a praise. He eyes Alex closely when the shorter boy reaches for the bottle, an amusing smile on his face.

It makes Alex fidget. If Miles notices it, he’s kind enough to not mention anything. Miles’ eyes suddenly appear to be darker and more distant when Alex shakes off his coat. Audibly, Miles takes in a sharp breath, as if he’s smelling Alex’s scent.

Alex bursts out laughing and throws his jacket at Miles. “Get out, you wanker!”

His friend catches the piece of clothes with both hands, mouth slightly ajar and face blank. It hits Alex abruptly that Miles isn’t laughing along. However, before he could think of it more, Miles has already come back to himself. He sings loudly with a high voice, “Oh, come on, babe! Let me see your naked body-” 

Alex snorts loudly with a huge smile and starts to drench himself in the suppression spray. His heart beats twice as fast when Miles leans in and jokingly kisses his hair.

6.

There are other hints here and there along the way, but Alex is too preoccupied to notice them. One night after they played in Manchester, Miles places himself firmly beside Alex and refuses to go near the bar. He won’t tell for what reason. 

“It’s because the bartender tried to take a bite of him!”

Eva sits down across the table, covering her face in hands while laughing madly. Miles rolls his eyes at her so hard that it looks almost painful. In the end, Alex decides to go get them two more beers. He’s surprised to find out that the mentioned bartender is a stunning blonde girl, petite and charming. When she passes Alex the tall glasses, Alex catches a faint odor of peppermint. 

_She’s an alpha._

When Alex returns, Eva is still roasting Miles about it. “… ‘cause someone’s a sexist and can't handle alpha girls!”

“Yeah, right. Have I told you lately how much I hate you?” 

Miles pushes her away. He’s out for a cigarrete break, which Alex joins without a second thought. Miles seems rather hostile that night, ignoring Alex as much as he can. They’re smoking face to face in silence. Alex feels at lost when Miles switches back to the cold-face lad who’s too cool to talk to. On top of that, it somehow stings him, knowing what Eva just said could be true.

Alex casually makes a comment. “She’s pretty.”

“Oh, come on. Not you as well!” Miles snaps, stepping on a stub heavily. “Just because you like someone calling your shots, doesn’t mean I also have to be a weirdo!”

Miles isn’t particular loud when he says it, but his words arrive like a _thunder. _

Before Alex even has the time to blink, Miles’ face already softens. “Fuck, sorry. Not where I was going. I’m really sorry.”

He hurries forward and grabs at Alex’s elbow, fingers soft and gentle. Alex flinches as if Miles has burnt him. _Of course, Miles knows he is a pathetic freak. _But Alex has never expected Miles to throw it on his face like this, with so much disdain and contempt in his voice. _Is this how Miles always sees him, while at the same time Alex adores him helplessly?_

“Fuck off.” Alex manages to say through gritted teeth, feeling sick in the stomach.

Miles looks at him in despair, regret and guilt written all over his face. “Please Al I don’t -”

“Can you just leave me the fuck alone?”

When he shouts, Alex isn’t particularly loud either. However, Miles immediately takes several paces back from him and wrenches his eyes away. He’s trembling uncontrollably in the freezing winter wind, failing on the next few attempts to talk. For a second or two, _it looks like he’s genuinely scared of Alex._

Something inside Alex twists in sorrow at the sight. He reaches for Miles. “God, no. Sorry.” He lies bitterly after that, “I know you didn’t mean it.”

“Do you really?” Miles squeezes his fingers painfully tight. He lips fall open again as if to say something more, but eventually decides against it and settles with another apology. “Sorry, Al. I- I was being a total dick, man. Forgive me.”

Alex finds it frighteningly hard to say no when Miles’s eyes glisten like that.

7.

It turns out what Miles said to him is just the first taste of an endless nightmare.

Alex starts to date Alexa when Miles is away in studio with his band. By then, the monkeys are getting enough attention that it’s pointless trying to cover the fact that he’s an alpha. He still can’t understand why people are keen to know every single detail about his personal life, when there’s music to discuss and explore. 

Anyway, their relationship ends up making frontpage of several unimportant papers. Alexa never ceases to find it amusing when people make such a fuss about them sharing the same nature.

“Look at this one! It's a good one, making you a goddamn hero, getting yourself an alpha lady instead of going after some who drools over you naturally.” She throws that rubbish into the bin, turning back to kiss Alex fiercely on the lips. “Is it that hard to believe that we just like each other, hmm?”

Alexa smells like clean paper, linen and tobacco. Alex does like her very much. “You’re too good for me, I guess.”

She laughs again and squeezes herself under Alex’s arms.

8.

When Miles comes back, some things have certainly changed.

Alex has many new pieces, large and small, scattered in his flat because Alexa is slowly moving in. Miles arrives on a raining afternoon, tired and quiet, with a determined look on his face.

“We talked about it. Everyone agreed, so that’s it.” He tells Alex the second he steps onto the carpeted floor. “The Little Flames have gone out.” 

“It means that you’re free.” Alex objects softly. “There’s so much more to do, Miles. I know you can handle more. You have it in you.”

“Do I?” Miles chuckles. His eyes light up as a smile spreads across his face, and the whole room just becomes warmer and brighter. It makes Alex want to sit down and shower him with all the compliments that come to his mind.

“You’ve got a new cushion, Al.” Miles suddenly changes the topic. He picks up the fluffy pillow and hugs it close to his chest mindlessly, followed by a teasing wink. “‘The most epic love of 21stcentury’, huh?”

Alex has received embarrassing remarks from many of his friends, but none of them makes him as flustered as now. He almost feels unfaithful, which is ridiculous, considering Miles doesn’t even like him that way. Moreover, Alex is pretty sure Miles doesn’t date any alphas, _that fucking asshole._

“Alexa’s in New York.” Alex spares himself a break, walking into the kitchen. It’s sheer stupidity, but he wants to at least convince himself that he is satisfied with everything now in his life. “You wanna stay for a bit longer until she comes back?”

Miles peers into his eyes deeply. The damp curls on his forehead are dripping water onto Alex’s carpet, leaving a stain behind. For a brief moment, on Miles Alex sees a reflection of his own longing: Miles stands with a dour look, as if he’s unsatisfied. But then Alex blinks and Miles has loosened up already. He makes a joyful sound, breaking Alex’s heart along with it.

“Sure, Al. I’d love to meet her.”

8.

It turns out Miles gets along with Alexa a little bit too well. By the end of the night, after a couple shots of whiskey, Alex can’t even tell whom he’s jealous for.

During the summer time Miles visits quite frequently. Alexa keeps calling them music nerds, which Alex can’t really disagree. They have planned to record some tunes in France next month, and for days they just stay in, playing and writing nonstop.

Alexa will force them out for a real dinner, followed by a private party whenever she’s around. It starts like that, a tiny party with a couple of her friends and Miles. Alex is already lightheaded when they begin that stupid drinking game. 

“Never have I ever…slept with an alpha.”

Everyone bursts into laughter when Alexa says it, knowing that Alex is her alpha boyfriend. A few more people raise their glass to drink, which leads to another round of laughing and gossiping. 

Alex freezes when Miles also takes a sip from the cup. 

“What-why did you drink?” He hisses incredulously, tongue clumsy with disbelief.

Miles casts him an indifferent glance. “I shagged someone who’s an alpha, obviously.”

“But I thought-” His brain fails to work. Alex looks at him accusingly. “You said-”

“It was a long time ago.” Miles winces at the memory. “Didn’t really like it, to be honest.”

A strange, reckless braveness grips him. The words are out of his mouth before Alex has the chance to mentally slap himself. “Maybe it’s the wrong person, not the problem with our kind, you know?”

Miles laughs. He looks surprised, thoughtful, but nowhere near confused, as if he has already figured out why Alex is making such an odd speech. However, what he says next only disappoint Alex again. “Maybe, yeah. But don’t worry, I’m not gonna snatch your girl.” With that, Miles moves his attention to somewhere else.

Someone calls his name and saves Alex from making himself a even sadder fool. Still, he’s boiling with childish jealousy for the rest of the night, towards someone who he didn’t even know.

9.

Alex barely gets any sleep the night before their trip to Paris. His mind is far, far away when Alexa gives him a goodbye kiss by the door. She complains halfheartedly about him dawdling, but forgivingly lets it go and kisses Alex again.

“Say hi to Miles for me.” She pats his cheek lightly. “Bring him back later when you’re home, okay?” 

“Why do I feel like you love him more than me?” Alex chuckles, wrapping his arms around her waist. Alexa hums lowly in her throat, glancing up at his face. 

“Oh? That’s funny, because I have the same feeling.” 

Alex turns to a statue in her embrace, although Alexa clearly thinks it’s hilarious and laughs all the way to the elevator. It takes everything in Alex to not show his guilty face.

10.

Miles is late for almost an hour. They get onto the plane in the last second, only to find there’s no space for their carryon luggage anymore. 

Miles appears to be strangely uneasy when a staff takes his cabin bag away. “Do you need anything from your bag, Sir?” The guy asks politely. Miles hesitates, squinting at Alex quickly before shaking his head. He’s also less attentive than usual, which easily extinguishes the excitement inside Alex.

Alex sleeps through the whole flight, feeling awfully upset and moody. However, his sky clears up when Alex wakes up with his head on Miles’ shoulder. Miles is smiling at him.

“Come on, Al.” He cheers. “We’re here!”

It’s already dark outside, but Alex doesn’t give a damn about when and where, as long as with Miles by his side. They are chatting obliviously beside the luggage conveyor belt when the announcement hits, informing them that there’s a problem with the luggage compartment and they won’t be able to get it today.

“We’re really sorry for the inconvenience. If you could leave us the address of your hotel, we can send them to you as soon as possible.”

“How soon?” Asks Miles aggressively. Alex has never seen him being this rude to anyone.

“Hopefully tomorrow. Sorry, Sir. But there’s nothing we can do now.”

Miles turns back and curses, grabbing at his hair harshly as he walks away in sulk. Alex has to apologize repeatedly to the shocked young man behind the information desk before hurrying to catch Miles. “Why are you so on edge? It can’t be more than a day of delay. We can just call James and tell him.”

He’s even more confused when Miles grunts about something being too late. 

“What’s too late?” 

“I need some pills in me bag, Al. All the pharmacies are closed now.” Miles sighs, becoming visibly more uncomfortable with every passing second. He grimaces when the light flashes above them, and Alex’s heart melts into a softer material despite himself.

“I’ve got my meds box with me, if you want anything. We can go first thing tomorrow, alright?”

Miles makes a sneering curl of his lip. That’s the only warning sign Alex receives before the whole story unfolds before his eyes. Reluctantly, Miles agrees. “Alright.” 

They don’t talk much on their way to the hotel.

11.

The place they are staying is not much of a nice one, but at least the room is clean, and whatever diffuser they put in smells so achingly delicious that Alex can’t stop taking a deep breath in every five second. 

In contrast to his good mood, Miles hasn’t been moving that much since they settled in a while ago. He had a shower before Alex, which only manages to make him even more stressed.

Miles startles, jumping up from the edge of the bed when Alex walks out of the bathroom.

“Jesus, can you be a bit more naked?” He murmurs, shooting Alex an unhappy glare. Alex is half annoyed half amused as Miles collapses back down on bed like a grumpy old man.

Alex shuts the moist air behind the door, slipping back into his not so clean shirt. He then reaches for his trousers on bed, sneering. “Since when did you become so virtuous?”

By pure accident, his elbow is in contact with Miles’ shoulder. Alex doesn't count on Miles recoiling back violently. “What?” Alex finally loses it. His emotions have been piling up since they met at the airport, and a cold shoulder right now is really not helping. “Am I stepping on your toes or something?”

To his surprise, Miles just frowns passively and moves further away from him. 

He murmurs. “No.” 

“Then what?” Alex can’t help but feel miserable and hurt when Miles is this far away. The sweet, warm scent is even stronger in the bedroom, which unfortunately is useless for Alex’s temper. He raises his voice.

“Won’t you just tell me-”

“Because you smell so bloody good and I don’t have my pills with me, okay? I’m losing my damn mind here! Get away from me, Alex! Just-just get the fuck out!” 

Miles stands back up, shouting in rage. The moment he steps closer, that mysterious, heavenly fragrance in the room becomes sickeningly strong and so suddenly Alex realizes what Miles just said. He tries to understand what's happening here: Isn’t Miles a beta? He’s not supposed to smell Alex even after Alex has showered off all his suppression spray. He shouldn't be able to tell...

At first it makes no sense to Alex. Until all of a sudden everything falls back into place and he finally, finally gets it.

_It’s not some home spray he’s smelling, for fuck sake. _

_It’s Miles. _

_+TBC+ _


	2. Chapter 2

12.

It all makes sense now, so much so that Alex wants to scream and smash his blindness.

_Miles is an omega._

It’s a bit hard to explain why it matters. But inevitably, his presence in this room becomes inappropriate and shall be removed as soon as possible, if Alex still wants to be Miles’ friend the morning after. With shaking hands, Alex reaches for the door handle.

Alex detests the weakness in his legs when Miles decides to call after him. 

“Alex,” Says Miles gingerly. He visibly calms down when the handle slides from between Alex’s fingers. As he exhales, his body language transforms into something less hostile, _and scarily more inviting. _Miles rubs his face in embarrassment while approaching Alex. “Sorry, I was just, uh…I get very emotional around this time.”

Miles isn’t fully in heat yet, but Alex can smell it on the doorstep. His judgment is clouded by the suffocating scent in the room. With shame, Alex realizes a part of him doesn’t want to go anywhere.

“Miles, you-” He starts, but can’t finish what he has to say. “You should have told me.”

Miles takes a turn and leans back on the wall. He shrugs, tilting his head to the side. “Now you know.”

Alex feels an aching lump in his throat. When Miles looks him like that, with a pleading, uncertain look he’s never seen before, it’s exactly like being caught in an act of violence, despite the fact that he knew nothing, nor have he done anything wrong. 

“I can go get the room next door, if you want.”

Miles nods, wide-eyed and expressionless. “Yeah, that’s probably better.”

13.

Alex spends the whole night fruitlessly being angry at Miles.

In his mind intimacy is somehow inseparable with violence. Alex knows it’s only the toxic culture people are brewing that makes him think so, but it’s hard to not give a damn, when there’re expectations to be met and a certain type of creature he’s supposed to be. Alex is hyper-aware of the bestial primal instincts inside him, and all these years he has tried his best to suppress them, to stay away from the way people _say he’s meant to be._

However, suffering from those unrealistic wishes he’s buried deep in his soul, Alex has done all kinds of foolish things, too. Sometimes when there’s just Miles, Alex would ditch his suppression spray and touch as many Miles’ belongings as he could. Alex let himself have this unharmful guilty pleasure, knowing his scent could linger for days. It couldn’t hurt since Miles was a beta…

Now he knows, it all feels so very _wrong._

Alex sits up in bed and stares at his lonely hotel room. He can smell some artificial citrus fragrance in the air. It makes him sick in the stomach. He can’t decide which one he hates more: The fact that Miles didn’t trust him enough and had to always pretend to be oblivious to Alex’s tricks, or the obvious implication behind it.

_The feeling burning inside him does not flow both ways. _

14.

Alex is out on the street 30 mins before the nearest pharmacy opens. He got Miles coffee and croissant but doesn’t want to go back before he has the suppressant as well. 

The pharmacist isn’t very happy when Alex stumbles over the words, then can’t give an answer on which pills he’s looking for. 

“Who’re you buying it for?” She squints at Alex suspiciously. “Do I need to call the police?”

Alex almost chokes on his own spit, feeling his face on fire. “Eh, no, nothing like that. It’s…it’s for my mate. I really don’t know what I should get for him.”

“Here, for heat remission, scent suppression…and emergency contraception.” She glares at Alex when he blushes five shades darker: The last one has never crossed his mind until now. 

In the end, Alex grabs everything he can get and rushes out of the pharmacy. He left his own suppression spray in their shared room (now Miles’ room). Therefore, he got himself a new suppressant for alphas as well. Alex washes down two pills with cold coffee and takes out his phone to let Miles know he’ll be back in 20 mins.

Alex wonders if he should just ask the beta cleaning lady to go in instead, but eventually decides he’s too worried to sit next door for one more minute. Miles didn’t reply to his message. He’s not answering either when Alex knocks on the door. 

After the fifth try, with no choice left, Alex takes out his copy of the room key and let himself in. 

If to say he’s brain was having a hard time functioning yesterday, Alex is pretty sure now it has melted completely inside his skull. The hotel room smells like those sweet spicy candles people light during Christmas seasons, only ten times more pleasing. His cock jumps in excitement and Alex mentally pinches himself. _It’s really not the time to go there._

Miles is nowhere to be seen in the bedroom. Alex puts Miles’ cold breakfast on the tea table and walks to the bathroom, halting in front of the sliding glass door. It puts Alex in a pit of self-loathing as he suddenly becomes aware of his dirty clothes; He is possibly radiating disgusting odours from the mixture of sweat and spray; And worst of all, Alex is semi-hard in his pants, despite his intentions. 

“Miles?” He asks in a low, neutral tone. “I brought you some pills.”

There’s no sound of shower inside, only a muffled, laboured sound of panting. Miles’ reply comes much later than Alex expected, when he’s given up on hearing anything behind the door at all. 

“Don’t come in, Alex.” Miles whimpers brokenly, his voice so close that Alex almost drops the plastic bag he’s holding. He’s riled by Miles even saying that, as if Alex could seriously walk pass that door without his permission. 

Alex closes his eyes and fights against the impulse to inhale deeply. “Alright. I’m gonna leave them on-” 

“No no, don’t go!” Miles hammers his fist against the glass door, almost screaming. Alex takes a step back when the shadow of his arm is gone, and Miles continues to say, “Stay there, Al. Please, just-just stay...”

The tail of his plea turns into a barely audible groan, and suddenly Alex figures what the hell Miles is doing behind the door. _For fuck sake! Isn’t the situation messed up enough? _He should get offended and turn back to leave, but then another low moan escapes from the door seam, and Alex’s harder than he’s ever been. He breathes greedily through his mouth and nose, unaware of even doing so.

The bag drops down onto his feet.

Alex startles,abruptly being dragged back to reality. He finds himself palming his aching erection through the trousers, and the realization is like an electric shot. He grunts in frustration, tearing at his own hair with those unruly hands. The pain clears his head slightly, but not enough, for Alex dares to hallucinate hearing a sound so similar to his own name just as Miles’ scent explodes and saturates the room. 

He listens to Miles breathing desperately, the paper-thin wall doing a poor job separating them for real.

Alex knows they’d never be the same. 

15.

Around noon, Miles texts him. 

He’s fully clothed when Alex comes in. Alex can’t look at him in the eyes. He’s torn between staying pissed off and apologizing. Neither seems a good idea when the whole place still smells like _a warm dessert served on a silver plate. _

Miles clears his throat almost timidly. He chuckles, “They need an air purifier.”

Alex can’t believe Miles is in the mood of joking, when Alex is having his life share of sweating and hand-wringing.

“I guess I should apologize,” Miles continues flatly when Alex doesn’t bother to move away from the door. “But I don’t know where to start.”

“Maybe start with the part where I was a horrible friend that you just couldn’t bring yourself to tell me.” Alex mutters bitterly.

“You’re a good friend, Al. It’s not what you think.” Miles smiles tightly at his irony. Alex can’t help but look up at him when Miles speaks. “Sometimes it’s like I’m stuck in a wrong place. I’d rather rid meself of me own skin and be someone else, you know what I mean? When I run into you using a suppression spray the first time, I thought you were just mincing. But then I figured…maybe you’re just like me, Alex. I know you’d understand.” 

“Then why did you lie? I wasn’t using any suppressant around you, god. All these times…you could have just told me to fuck off.” Embarrassingly, Alex’s on the verge of tears. A plain “fuck off” would be nicer than what Miles did, toying with him like this: Did he enjoy seeing Alex losing his mind and getting all worked up for him? Or was Miles too kind to tell Alex he didn’t love him back? Not to mention Miles just got himself off with Alex a few inches beside him- 

“I didn’t want you to.” Miles breaks the heavy silence for them. He winces, as if he’s also pained by the confession. He says, with a thick, raw voice that Alex isn't familiar with. “You’ve no idea how hard it's for me to not jump your bones when you…when you do the thing you do.” 

For a good while Alex’s heart forgets to beat.

Miles’ eyes dart away in the end. If he isn’t so caught up with the way Miles’ eyes shine under the light, Alex would properly hysterically laugh. He feels confused, wronged and _played._“But you-”

“But I also didn’t want you to know.” Miles interrupts his blaming ask with fierce anger. The taller boy gets up and strides into the middle of the room. He’s shaking visibly when he roars. “I’m scared that you’d find out I can never be the one for you. I was fucking putting you off because- what should I say? Oh Al, sorry to break it to you but I’m an omega, and half of the time all I can think of is for you fuck me on the nearest flat surface!” 

Alex’s mouth drops open without a sound. He stands very still, petrified.

“It’s as simple as that, until you found yourself someone else, and everything stopped. You even fucking invited me to meet her! But again, I asked for it meself, didn’t I?” Miles presses both palms into his eyes, but it’s too late.

Alex can see he’s crying.

16\. 

_How can you even say that? _He wants to ask, for Miles should be that confident, self-assured bastard Alex has been dying to belong to. Yet when reality hits, Miles is sobbing brokenly, looking lost and miserable, as if it’s possible that Alex could have wanted someone else more than him.

It’s absurd to see Miles like this, although half of it could just be hormonal. It triggers something deep inside Alex, making his hands itching with the desire to comfort him. “What makes you think,” Alex chokes on his words, “that you’re not right for me?”

“You,” Miles wiped his face roughly, looking at a dirty spot on the carpet. “I know you’re different. Hell, I love you for it, you know? You make me feel so equal, always have. But I made you think I was a beta and I've seen you-you’re so cautious around people like me. In Leeds we had that tech guy who didn’t know shits about what he was doing but you never even raised your bloody voice. I know you, Alex. You’ve got good manners, but not that good. I just can't stand it! I didn’t want you to treat me differently.”

“I won’t, Miles. I swear. Whatever you're, it doesn’t matter.” Alex hears himself cooing. “And you don’t have to be so…tense.” _Scared._

Because whatever Miles is scared of, _Alex hates it as much. _If only there’s a way to kill part of himself and live along with the rest, he’d do it in a blink. 

Miles smiles mirthlessly. “How is that even possible? Just listen to yourself, Alex. Before you'd never talk to me like,” Miles stops to look Alex in the face. He spits out, hands moving frantically in the air as if to brush off something disgusting. “Like this.”

It’s a harsh blow to his wrenching heart when Miles lands on that, for Alex know to a certain degree _he’s right._

“It doesn’t have to be this way,” Alex forces himself to speak. It feels like the most precious thing has always been in his palms, but now it’s slipping away. “I’ll try my best, Miles. I-” 

“There’s nothing wrong about you, Al. You’re the best person I know. I just love you more when I’m...not me. Besides, it barely matters now, isn’t it? You’re with Alexa. You’re happy.” The way Miles smiles makes Alex’s eyes burning.

He says, “I can be happy for you.”

17.

Among one of his worst memories, Alex remembered going to the botanic garden nearby where they lived with Matt, Jamie and a couple of kids in his class. 

Alex was not interested in playing football that afternoon. He settled down on a bench, reading a collection of poems by William Blake while waiting for Matt and Jamie. It was the last month of high school: Alex couldn’t wait to graduate and spend all his time on music.

The book was snatched out of his hand just as Alex was about to finish the last page. He looked up and the boy from his year looked down, smirking. 

Jake wasn’t a fan of Alex, and the feeling was mutual. Out of reflex, Alex casted a glance to the lawn where Matt was playing. He earned himself a cackle of triumphant laughter. “Oh, Turner! Look at you! Did you just grow a knot but forgot to grow some balls?”

Alex bit down in the mouth and growled. “Give me back my book.”

“Or what? You’re gonna cry me a river and beg?”

“What’s your problem?” Alex spitted through gritted teeth, reaching for his book. By then, his friends all noticed the noises and began to gather to their direction. Jake smashed the book on Alex’s chest forcefully, making him stumble back.

“You’re such a freak, Turner.” He raised his chin and snorted. “Fucking wussy.”

It’s not something Alex’s unused to. There wasn’t a particular reason that triggered him, but on that day, Alex didn’t just watch Jake walking away: Alex was eager to prove that he was wrong, to prove to himself that _he could be NORMAL. _

Before he knew, a dull pain exploded on his knuckles and Jake was on the ground with a bleeding nose. It all happened too fast for Alex to regret: He was delirious, unmanageable and wild with fury. When he came back, Jake was no longer in sight, and Matt was shaking his shoulder forcefully.

“Hey, Al, are you alright? What did that fucker do? God, I swear I’ll-”

“I’m fine, Mathew. I…” Alex said nonchalantly, staring at his reddened fist. Shame welled up so fast it made him nauseous. He couldn’t taste even the slightest content on his tongue. “I’m just gonna go home.”

He ended up crying himself to sleep that night. Before turning off the lights Alex looked at his own reflection in the mirror. He could be _just like them, and it’s such an easy thing to do._

He didn’t want to. 

18.

It’s hard to make peace with his own body. 

Alex had a few short relationships with omega girls, and they all ended the same, with Alex hating on himself during a heat and breaking up with them later like the miserable bastard he was. It made him feel less human, somehow, when he couldn’t think straight, powered by pure animal instincts. 

On top of that, Alex never fancies the idea of being the manliest man. However, that’s the first thing most people look in an alpha male. They see him and start searching for it, as if there's nothing there but his body. For a long time, Alex had the hardest time around strangers, or anyone new to his life. He felt being watched and pressured constantly. 

_Not with Miles. _Miles fits around him like he’s made to be here, balancing Alex’s world. Alex is never this comfortable around anyone else, and it kills him to know Miles was never fully himself around him. 

"That's not fair, Miles. You’re making all our plans," Alex blinks. His nose is stuffed, and his lungs are short of air. He begs the taller boy for the best thing that could've ever happened to him, and he'd beg again if he has too.

“You should at least fucking let me try.” 

19.

Miles’ hair feels even softer than its appearance in his fingers. Alex vaguely hears him saying sweet nothings, but the buzzing sound in his ears is too loud for Alex to comprehend any word. He clutches to Miles even tighter, afraid that this is his last chance to hold him like this.

Miles kisses his temple tenderly. It’s something he often does when Alex’s upset. It feels different now when Alex knows more about him, and that _Miles liked him also._

-The best thing he can dream of shouldn’t have broken his heart like this.

“Alex,” It sounds like Miles is reminding himself. “You’ve got a girlfriend.”

“I’d rather be with you.”

“You didn’t mean that.”

Alex huffs out a frustrated sigh. “Why don’t you just let me make my own decision, Miles?” His fingers tighten on their own, and before he can stop himself, he’s already pulling at the soft strands on the back of Miles’ head harshly, forcing Miles to look at him. Their eyes meet for a long, agonizing moment and Alex shudders when Miles peeks inside his soul.

_Whatever Miles finds there, it changes his mind suddenly._

It surprises both of them, and scares Alex even more when Miles’ eyes squeeze tightly closed. He simply goes pliant under Alex’s arms, a soft sigh escaping from his mouth. “Al.” 

That’s all the warning he gets before Miles’ lips are on his.

Alex breathes him in, tasting him on the tip of his tongue. The best wine in the world can’t even compare. He’s instantly drunk with Miles’ scent, with the longing touch on his waist, and lower-

“NO.” Alex pulls away. “I can’t-wait until your heat is over, okay?” 

He realizes how ridiculous that sounds immediately, and really can’t blame Miles for laughing. “Oh, we’ve got a gentleman here,” Miles stares at him, pupils all blown out. Alex can’t tell how much the normal Miles is left in there right now. _Are the pills even working?_

Miles reads his mind. “Wanted you even when I overdosed on them.” He shifts his legs and traps Alex in between them, pulling at Alex’s shaking hands. Miles wails when Alex tries to wiggle himself free. “Alex, please.”

Alex makes a frustrated noise, returning to kiss him again. The second he gets close enough, Miles hooks his arm around Alex’s neck and presses him to the floor, pinning Alex down with his own body. He’s soft and warm to the touch and smells so, so heavenly. Alex loses a bit more when his hand travels down in panic, only to feel the back of Miles’ jeans is _soaked._

Miles claws at his shoulder blade, followed by a brutal kiss on Alex’s chin. He’s demanding, controlling and unbelievably articulate for someone in heat. “Make your fucking decision then, Al. Make it now.” There’s a hint of bluffing nonchalance in his words, but the uneasiness flickering in his eyes gives Miles away: That’s what breaks Alex eventually. Miles’ fingers dig into his skin. He keeps his eyes on Alex all the time. This brave, reckless man. All Alex wants is to hold him tight until they are joint together. 

They are fighting with each other, but with their own demons at the same time. Alex doesn't want to be alone in this anymore. Even if they might be making a mistake, _tomorrow they can always make up. _

Alex is awfully polite when he asks, making both of them crack. He inhales deeply.

“Will you kiss me again, Miles?”

+TBC+


	3. Chapter 3

20.

Miles happened to not be in the best mood when Eva mentioned they had a few gigs to play with a band called Arctic Monkeys. It was simply bad timing, playing shows while he’s in heat. It required triple numbers of pills to keep his senses when so many people were sweating their brains out in the pit. He was having a bit of a headache that evening, impatiently waiting for the night to fall, when the door was pushed open with an unexpected crack.

All it took was one glance at the boy coming through.

Miles was mesmerized, to say at least. Alex looked like someone who held secrets, which Miles didn’t guess right on the first try. It took him by pure surprise when Miles walked mindlessly into the tour bus for his suppressant and there was Alex, wide-eyed like a deer caught under headlights, holding a spray bottle that’s for sure _not perfume._

The overly stuffed tour bus, which usually smelled like a box filled with dying rats, was filled with a clean, woody scent that made Miles’ knees buckle. 

“Ah.” Miles didn’t know what to say, looking at this reserved, somewhat awkward alpha who pretended to be a beta. If he’s less horny, Miles would probably find it _funny_.

Alex was weirdly anxious about his secret being out in the light. Not many alpha males would buy the spray in the first place, let alone using it frequently. Miles often saw alpha females who had to appear less “aggressive” getting the suppressant. But then again, in this short, soft-looking boy, nothing screamed stereotypical alpha, not even when Alex came fresh out of the shower and smelled like a hint of sandalwood being carried by ocean breezes.

There’s something so special about Alex Turner that it kept Miles up all night.

21.

It took a while for him to find out that Alex’s indeed, in all senses, _special._

A few more shows were planned out and they would be on the road together for weeks. It’s been almost a year since Miles last saw Alex. This time, he’s not caught in the vile nature of his, and Alex was not radiating any disturbing scent. _What was there to blame when he still found the boy alarmingly charming? _

He had kept his distance deliberately. Regardless, Alex never forgot to smile at him whenever Miles walked pass by. The alpha boy seemed a bit intimidated by Miles’ cold attitude: He was unfairly cute when he blushes.

Then there’s more to Alex then he appeared to be at the first glance. Miles couldn’t keep his eyes off him when Alex got all passionate about a new idea, or when Alex went on and on about a band he loved, or, especially, when Alex let the annoying perfectionist side of him show and insisted something _must be done this way. _

Alex would speak so slowly and firmly, unlike in most daily chats where he drawled on certain words. There’s an underlined, undeniable command hidden in his polite suggestion. Afterwards Alex would often scratch his face coyly with a hesitated, self-aware chuckle: _He’s not even doing that somewhat alpha thing on purpose._

Here’s where Miles should roll his eyes and find Alex to be _an annoying, spoiled brat_. But instead his chest was swollen with a bittersweet ball of emotions. There’s no denying that he’s jealous of Alex. But at the same time, he couldn’t find a single reason to dislike him.

Two weeks later they were playing together in a tiny venue in Glasgow, their last show together. The crowds were packed against the homemade stage when the monkeys came out, and somehow Miles was pushed to the very front. Alex had a few drinks and forgot about his spray, playing that cocky frontman on stage beautifully. In that disgusting pile of pheromones, for some reason Miles could still smell him. He might as well be with Alex alone.

In that moment, Miles knew _he was in trouble._

Everyone was buzzing with excitement and big ideas afterwards, yet Miles’ head was spinning because of Alex’s proud smile. He felt his own legs moving, carrying him to follow Alex out of the back door. With every step he took, Miles realized he was shamefully _wet, _even with the unhealthy number of pills he had just swallowed before dinner. 

Miles stalled in the shadow for a quick smoke, dreading over the fact that he was so ready to come up to Alex and bear his soul. _If he asked, Miles would forget about all his rules and limits and let Alex do anything._

It was then a tall, brunette girl strutted down the stairs and rushed to Alex. Brutally she threw him on the wall, pulled his head up for a heated kiss. And Alex…Alex went along so willingly. He looked almost more grateful than anything.

That’s when Miles learned that _Alex could never want him._

22.

They wouldn’t let Miles play anymore after he presented as an omega. Only one week before, Miles was the best player in their football team, and he’d been training for their next big game for months. All of a sudden, it’s a dead fact that he was not qualified to take such an important role anymore, just because he didn’t grow out a knot on his dick. Everything became different, when virtually nothing about Miles had changed. He was still the same fucking person, only being branded with a sex character he didn’t ask for.

It really got him down, and that’s even before the humiliating notes started to show up in his desk chest.

At that time Miles was dating Allen, an alpha boy who’s one year ahead of him, for almost a year. During a casual chat with their friends, Miles was so shocked when rudely being told to shut up that he actually did what he was told. They all laughed when Allen then pulled Miles into a kiss. He kept his hand on the small of Miles’ back for the rest of the night. 

_Miles hated it. _

“How come I don’t have a say in this?” He couldn’t recall what they were arguing about, but the answer he received, he’d never forget.

The boy peeked up at him in despise, while he’s still half-naked in Miles’ bed. That’s not how he used to talk to Miles, but somehow now he’s entitled to do so. “You’re an omega, for God’s sake. Act like one, can you?” 

Miles couldn’t. 

And he’s never been able to “act like one” after. 

23.

It’s easier to be Alex’s friend, once Miles gives up on the idea to be _his_. Not to say his stomach will ever stop flipping for Alex’s smile, but he can always blame it on _animal nature._

What he’s been denying to himself seems such a waste, when they walk down the street together and exchange looks and words for a colliding of minds. Alex listens carefully to what Miles has to say. He patiently awaits when Miles dumps out obscure, unruly ideas and later he’d sorts them out in place in the best way possible. Alex cracks at all stupid things Miles does to make him happy, and more often than not Miles forgets all about gender and sex. With Alex, he won’t mind in any way. 

Alex, who’s carefully kept in the dark, freely steals Miles’ clean shirt when he comes over. He lends Miles old T-shirt to wear at night if Miles is to visit. It brings Miles a sickening sense of pleasure, fucking himself with a toy, wrapped in a piece of clothes that smells solely like Alex, with Alex sleeping soundly next door.

24.

Miles has never doubted that Alex will understand how he feels: There’s expectations that just cannot be reached. It feels like this isn’t someone he’s meant to be, yet everyone keeps telling him otherwise. 

At first, Miles didn’t mention anything because it’s simply irrelevant. He’s not talking to Alex that often anyway. Miles wasn’t obligated to be honest with the boy just because he found out Alex’s own secret. Then here came this new stage where they were constantly in each other’s space, which unfortunately made it hard to talk to Alex about him being an omega, since Alex was already comfortable enough to walk around him, shirtless and unsprayed. Knowing Alex, Miles could see Alex blaming himself for not using a suppressant, even he didn’t know any better.

And selfishly, _Miles loved it when Alex smelled like himself._

It wouldn’t hurt to make a wish that Alex could love him _more_, as long as Alex didn’t know.

25.

The first time it happened, Miles wasn’t aware Alex was doing it on purpose.

Pauline encouraged him to invite Alex over, not to his little flat in Liverpool, but to his childhood home. It’s futile to try to keep a secret from her, so Miles did. Pauline loved the polite little boy who offered to help her in the kitchen. Alex wasn’t technically a good chef, but he’s that kind of domestic freak who actually put breakfast in a bunch of bowls and plates. It was a Monday that Alex’s scheduled to leave. Pauline left early to the shop, and Miles woke up to Alex making scrambled eggs while humming a happy tune.

All he wanted was to wrap his arms around Alex and asked him to stay. Alex glanced up at the staircase where Miles silently stood, frowning subconsciously. For a short moment it's almost like he was craving the same thing.

Back from the station, Miles found Alex’s scent all over his records collection, smelling more aggressive than usual. It didn’t happen often. Alex was careful not to mark anything even when he’s not wearing suppression sprays. Picturing Alex for some reason being agitated like a big cat brought a permanent smile to Miles’ face. 

Everything Alex touched inevitably became something Miles was fond of, even after the scent was long gone.

26.

It did cross his mind once or twice, that Alex might treat him differently if he was to know. However, Miles wouldn’t allow his thoughts to wander that way: Alex was already solely dating alpha and beta girls. He’s probably not into man in the first place, let alone an omega male. _How could things possibly get any worse?_

Ironically, he was wrong. 

In less than 10 mins they were supposed to be on stage, yet the guitar tech Ash, who’s clearly still recovering from whatever fun stuff he took yesterday, kept messing with their gears. “What the hell, man.” Eventually Miles snapped when Ash refused to let him adjust his own guitar. “If you can’t do your job, just fuck off and let someone else handle it!” 

“Miles,” Alex grabbed his elbow, hissing unapprovingly. “Calm down a bit, will you?”

Miles wasn’t prepared to see him playing nice and cool, considering how much Alex cared about the show and they were already too late for a good start. He stepped aside, staring darkly at Alex’s back while he muttered softly to Ash, who’s not even close to sober. After a few minutes of stinging waiting, Miles watched Ash disappearing to the back obediently.

He was confused and also pissed off. “Didn’t know you’re such a saint, Alex.” Miles sneered, walking up to meet Alex’s annoyed face. The shorter boy nudged him, then exhaled in relief. “He’s just having a bad day, Miles. You don’t have to be rude.”

“I don’t have to-” Miles stuttered when it suddenly hit him, his stomach charing with the assumption. He felt frightened and humiliated somehow, although Alex couldn’t be gentler and it’s not even about him. “Were you being unreasonably forgiving just because he’s an omega?”

“Miles!” Alex’s voice hardened. A hush fell over the room and suddenly Miles couldn’t stand to be here. They dropped the topic and started to tune the guitars. During that short period of silence, Miles liked Alex less than he did before.

27.

The next day they had their first argument. Miles knew Alex had the right to be angry. Afterall, all Miles did was to hurt him on purpose. 

Maybe it’s because Miles was still petty about what happened in Leeds. Maybe it’s because Alex dared to question why Miles couldn’t date the alpha girl behind the bar. Miles was no longer angry the second those vicious words left his throat. Alex looked at him as if Miles had stabbed him with a knife in his sleep. 

Alex was enraged, and no matter how badly he wanted to, Miles couldn’t stop himself from recoiling.

28.

They never really sit down and talk about feelings. Alex shies away from saying things out loud and Miles is a good puzzle solver, that’s how they’ve always worked. Hence when he’s no longer blinded by emotions, Miles sits in a quiet place and pieces every single clue he gets in hand. He realizes how wrong he was.

How silly of him to have pained over the idea that Alex only liked the tables to be turned. Miles thinks of the way Alex blushed in shame when being interrogated earlier. The way his eyes instantly darkened when anger seized him - Alex doesn’t have a thing for being someone else.

He’s scared of _being himself. _

It’s obvious that the alpha boy is only gonna be open and free around Miles without knowing anything. In the meantime, to Miles, Alex is perfect as he is, but only when Miles isn’t who he has to be. 

It’s better that Alex never knows, even that means he can only be someone else’s to hug and kiss and sleep with.

At least Miles can still _love him._

29.

“Jesus, are you fucking kidding me?” Eva chokes on her coffee when Miles walks in. “Looks like you had a wild night, Miles.” 

Miles is thrown in perplexity. He sniffs, can’t tell if she’s joking or not. The winter wind has knocked him down with a cold days ago: Now losing his sense of smell, Miles is having the most relaxing time since the tour started. “What are you talking about? I stayed in with Alex. We were writing.”

“Bullshits. You smell like a rutting cat’s blanket!” Eva winks at him teasingly. Miles immediately looks down at himself. He’s wearing a clean turtle neck and the same jeans from yesterday. It’s nowhere near his heat, and the only person he saw last night was Alex.

“But-” Suddenly Miles recalls Alex opening his suitcase and casually going through his tightly stacked jumpers, giggling and making fun of Miles’ bad habit of overpacking. Was Alex using any suppressant at that time? If not, there’s still no chance for Alex to accidentally mark Miles’ clothes-

_No way. _

A shot of bliss rushes through his spine. _Can it be true? Was Alex leaving his scent on purpose for a reason? Does he feel what Miles has always felt?_

He’s probably silent for too long, but Miles can’t care about less. He rushes out of the dining room breathlessly, running upstairs to their shared room and burst in without knocking. Alex yelps in surprise when Miles comes in. He’s half naked, his freshly showered hair still dripping.

“Miles! You scared the shit out of me.” Alex fidgets with the towel, turning back to grab himself a jumper. Miles can’t really smell anything, but he’s sure it’s not a coincidence when Alex secretly peeks at Miles' long sleeve, his eyes deep and mystifying from this angle.

Miles’ throat goes painfully dry. He wants to hit Alex on the face for making things even harder, as if it isn’t hard enough to not scream how he’s mad for Alex. He wants to get down on the knees and asks for Alex’s knot in his mouth. He wants to laugh and keeps laughing simply because of the way Alex’s fingers slides over Miles' belongings, like the shorter boy just can’t help himself. It makes Miles the happiest person in the world.

Not so in the next second, when Alex calls his name and breaks the reality to Miles. “Can you pass me the spray bottle, Miles?” He asks, utterly oblivious. Alex doesn’t have a clue, and Miles loves him achingly._ It’s already painful enough when Alex doesn’t like him back. _

Miles passes Alex the suppression spray.

He bites his tongue and _pretends._

30.

“I don’t think that will be a problem, darling.” Pauline remains silent for a while before reaching out with a comforting hand. She combs Miles’ hair gently. “I can tell Alex is a good kid.”

“Of course he is, mum. He can’t be any better, that’s the problem.” Miles’ hands clench and unclench on the table as he tries to find an excuse for his fleeing. It has been a week since the tour ended, and he’s barely replying any of Alex’ messages. “Also, I lied to him. I can’t just go and say it’s no big deal then ask him out.”

“It’s difficult to be reconciled with yourself, it is.” Says Pauline. Miles looks up at her, perplexed. “Do you think he liked you simply because of what you’ve lied, Miles?”

Miles freezes, blinking, his eyes wide.

“I’m not saying it makes no difference, Miles.” She smiles back at him with wise, sad eyes. “But there’s always a way.”

31.

There’s always a way and Miles is always willing to take the risk, but not this time. This time it’s too little, too late and before he can bring himself to call Alex, the death sentence is already all over the news: 

_Alex Turner is dating Alexa Chuang. _

She’s small but fierce-looking in the pictures. Miles doesn’t try to look for those, but they come to him and break him into pieces in this foreign bare land, far away from London, from Alex, from where he wants to be.

Miles knows how hypocritical and pathetic it is, to regret over something he has given up on by his own choice. Yet he regrets it all the time, even after he's made himself to acquiesce.

32.

Believe it or not, on the way to the airport, Miles had no hutch that how the day would end.

He’s got a headache when he woke up an hour later than his alarm. Miles feels a second stab annoyance as he takes the suppressant. According to the calendar, he’s gonna be in heat at the end of the week. It’s really not easy when Alex is around, no matter how much Miles enjoys their time together.

Miles can barely control his mood once realizing he has to be in the same room with Alex until tomorrow, when he has no pills while Alex is basically a fucking perfume bottle. He hasn’t the heart to take it out on Alex, when the shorter boy cautiously walks next to him, concerned and a bit wounded by his temper. 

Miles only manages to act somewhat normal before the suppression spray begins to wear off. Once that happens, Miles can barely think straight. Although he has always wanted Alex, _it was never this bad. _Miles has to get himself off twice in the shower before walking out on shaky legs. When Alex gets in the bathroom, before even taking in a relieved breath, Miles suddenly feels the familiar, repellent feeling of tingling spreading in his lower abdomen. With sheer panic, Miles realizes he’s in heat.

Years and years of abusing the suppressants, now he’s paying back with _double the fucking price._

He has to get out of here before Alex finds out, but the room with Alex’s scent is too appealing to be abandoned. Miles takes another breath and Alex is already in front of him,shirtless, smelling like nothing but himself. One second they’re talking and the next thing he knows, Alex is so unbearably close. Miles doesn’t know why he hasn’t crumbled yet.

He does fall apart miserably when Alex flees the room with a lost, guilty face.

33.

It’s hard to say if Miles is offended or moved when Alex tries to talk him out of it.

Now that the pills are sparing him a moment to think, Miles can only laugh at Alex’s sentence. The strange, uncooperative alpha boy, who insists that he wants to try and make them work, that he’d give up on his beautiful girlfriend and his comfortable hiding place if only Miles gives him the chance. 

Miles doubts that Alex has though it through: He’s almost certain that neither of them would like it tomorrow, but then the moment is too tempting and precious for Miles to say no, no matter what pain may come after.

“More, Al…harder.” Miles groans when his head is bumped onto the headboard. It must have become part of Alex, to always suppress the urge to let go. Miles wants all of him, with him Miles wants Alex to be _free and safe_, unlike when he’s with any other people. He grabs at Alex’s chin to pull him down, until he’s kissing the command into Alex’s mouth. “I want your knot.” 

Alex shudders above him, his cock almost sliding all the way out. Miles can feel the swell when Alex pushes into him once again. He reaches down, pulling at Alex’s thigh, trying to bring him even closer. “Just let me fucking have it,” He cries in frustration when Alex keeps fucking him fast and shallow, “Al-”

“Please, Mi, I just – Miles,” Alex shushes him, breathing shakily and burying his face in Miles’ neck. His lips are sealed deadly as Alex presses a kiss there, _hence Miles knows he’s pushing too much. _When Alex returns to kiss his mouth again, Miles shuts up and lets him.

Alex’s knot pops out fully, heavy and hot, pressing tight against his entrance as Miles comes with a keen whine in his hands, still feeling empty even with Alex buries deep inside him. Alex carefully pulls out and gently pats Miles’ hand away when Miles tries to touch him with a jelly-like arm. Alex presses a few more kisses on his face, until Miles’ eyes are too heavy to open. “Shhh, don’t worry about it.” He coos. Miles hates it when he talks like this, but is too spent to argue. He falls asleep with Alex wrapped in his arms.

When Miles wakes up a few hours later, the room is again his own.


	4. Chapter 4

34.

Alex is wakened by his phone buzzing on the floor.

Slowly but surely Alex remembers where he is and who’s breathing calmly next to him. The anticipation of seeing Miles’ sleeping face brings Alex to open his eyes, despite the warm sunlight dancing upon his eyelids.

The abrupt brightness makes him teary. Alex winces and blinks, until he’s watching Miles with a silent smile. The taller boy is lying on his side, face half buried in the pillow, mouth slightly ajar. A few strands of hair fall on his nose, wobbling with every breath Miles lets out. 

Alex inhales quietly. Somehow Miles' scent in the air reminds him of _home._

Then his phone vibrates again. Alex curses wordlessly, creeps out of the bed and gets into his clothes. Miles was far from careful earlier when he tore them off. Alex knows he must stink of sex and look straight out of a porn set as he walks out of the door. A few sprays of scent suppression aren’t helping that much. The girl behind the front deck turns all red when Alex greets her awkwardly.

“Sir, eh…we received 4 suitcases for you this morning.” She looks at the computer screen a bit too intently. “Which room would you like to have them sent to?”

Alex pulls out the key for the second room he got for himself. _Thank God that one is presentable. _“Oh, this…this one will do.”

Just as she’s checking the room number, his phone is ringing for the third time in the past 15 mins. Alex fetches the device in annoyance, but freezes when he sees the number.

It’s Alexa. 

Alex thanks the receptionist in a hurry, then immediately heads back to the staircase while picking up. No more than 30 seconds and she’s already asking, “Hey babe, you sound absolutely distraught. Is everything okay?”

_No, everything is fucked up. I just cheated on you by sleeping with my best friend and guess what? I fucking loved it. _Alex flinches at the noises in his head. Instead he stutters after a long silence, “Miles-”

“Is he getting better?” She sounds genuinely concerned, and Alex vaguely remembers telling her last night that Miles was not feeling well.

“He is…er, recovering. But We gotta stay in Paris for two more days, I’m afraid.” Alex wants to snatch out his own tongue. He wasn’t planning on lying, but it feels wrong to just spit out the truth on the phone when she’s all understanding and caring, utterly unprepared for the heartbreak. Soon Alex finds an excuse to hang up, the kiss she sends him in the end poking another needle in Alex’s conscious.

Alex decides to take a shower in his own room before going back to Miles. 

35.

In his own suitcase Alex picks out a white shirt and a pair of jeans that’s a bit too long on himself for Miles. He doesn’t want to go through Miles’ luggage without permission, and Alex can’t deny he’s always happy to see Miles in his clothes.

He's expecting Miles to still be asleep. That's why the second Alex steps inside their room, all things in his arms fall on the floor. 

Miles raises his head at the sound of Alex shutting the door. He does nothing but huffing out a loud moan, while Alex stares, being held in a trance. Miles has three fingers buried deep inside himself, the pale skin of his inner thighs glistening with the lubricating juice gushing from the stretched rim. He’s eager to play a show for Alex, pumping his cock slow but roughly with his other hand while grinding down impatiently. The beige sheet tangled beneath his flushed naked body is damped by sweat and everything else, hugging around Miles like the wrapper paper for _a luscious, fragrant sweet._

“Eyes one me, Alex.” Miles demands in a wet, wheezy voice when Alex closes his eyes. A fucking exhibitionist he is, smirking when Alex follows the order.

Alex’s knees bump onto the mattress. In front of him Miles is open and dripping and so ready for him to take. Alex feels dizzy with desperate needs as Miles hooks both legs behind his knees. Then Miles lets those sinfully long fingers slide out, sitting up with a surreally graceful move, then swiftly pulls Alex’ pants down. 

His hands are warm and wet. One single thought of where they have just been makes Alex’s cock throbbing with anticipation. Miles chuckles, then blows at the sensitive head, making Alex shiver and shove a hand into his damp hair. 

“…fucking tease.” The alpha boy complains half-heartedly as Miles sucks his hardened cock into his mouth. All it takes are a few rough strokes at the base and Alex’s knot is painfully swollen. Miles hums smugly at that, pushing forward until the tip of his nose is tickled by Alex’ pubes. His tongue teases beneath Alex’s knot, lapping at the sensitive swell.

Miles’ fingers wander back and dig into his buttock, holding Alex close while Alex cups the back of his head firmly. Before Alex knows, he’s already thrusting into the encouraging heat, groaning as if he’s in physical pain. Momently, he returns to sense after Miles chokes on a harsh lunge, whining lowly and eyes squeezed shut. “Ah, sorry-” Alex pulls away, only to be locked into place by Miles’ legs. Taking a sharp breath in through his nose, Miles ignores Alex’ protesting grunts and once again lets Alex’ cock hit his throat. The undisguised greed and his stubbornness stir something deep inside Alex, and suddenly he can’t tell if he’s burning with lust or love, caught by Miles’ desiring grip.

Alex comes with a hot tinging feeling heavy under his ribcage. The younger boy’s head falls back into Alex’s hands. He coughs violently, yet keeps smiling up at Alex, who looks down tentatively and feels his blood thickening with too much adoration welling out of his heart. Alex wipes those thin, reddened lips with his thumb tenderly. “Al,” Miles sighs, eyelids falling as he slowly raises his chin. His neglected cock is leaking under Alex’ hungry gaze. Miles offers a smirk. “Help me?”

He doesn’t have to ask twice.

36.

“Where have you been earlier?” Alex tenses up instantly at his question. Miles rolls his eyes at Alex’s guilty face. He quickly walks out of the bathroom, throwing himself on bed next to where Alex is sitting. “Come on Al, I’m just asking.”

“The delivery for our suitcases arrived. They’re all in my room. Er… then I took a call.” Alex rubs his nose and pauses, looking away. 

Miles kicks him on the shin while asking, “How’s she doing?”

He sounds unmoved, not bitter at all. Alex’s head shots up. He peers at Miles’ face, trying to figure out why his friend is so calm about it. For the past few hours Alex’s been tortured by the fact that he’s officially a scum now. He was expecting Miles to get mad at him, annoyed at least, for Alex vividly remembered himself promising Miles to leave his girlfriend for good. Yet when Alexa called, all Alex could tell was _a lie_.

Miles looks back at him, seemingly unimpressed by Alex’s silence. “I’m starving.” Suddenly he announces, sitting back up. Miles walks to the table, then opens a few bottles to get himself a handful of pills. He counts the pills playfully before swallowing them dry. “Let’s head out, find a nice place to eat, alright?”

Another stab of guilt hits Alex: He has completely forgotten about lunch. Miles is already stepping into his shoes. Alex’s jeans are shorter than what Miles usually wears, baring a bit of his bony ankles out in the air. He has worn Alex’s trousers multiple times before, so it shouldn’t have made Alex’s stomach twisted like that, filled by a feeling swaying between protective and possessive but equally _wanton._

Miles casts him a quick glance when Alex doesn’t move right away. He wink suggestively, faking a frown. “Alex, seriously. I’m not shagging you again unless I have my dinner.”

“I-I wasn't-Miles!” Alex jumps up, flustered with embarrassment when Miles bursts out laughing. The strange looming shadow around them vanishes and suddenly Alex feels he can breathe again. He mutters in relief. “Fine, let’s just go.”

Miles tags on his elbow and drags Alex out of the door. He doesn’t move his hand away afterwards.

Alex doesn’t find it strange at all.

37.

Alex only thinks of asking after Miles steals a second falafel from his plate.

“How come you’re not bothered at all?” On the table next to them there’s an alpha man, who smells no better than a horse after a race, giving out his scent like some chemical pollution. He’s pathetically trying to woo the woman sitting across him, who clearly just wants to leave the room. Alex turns back at Miles. “And is it normal that your heat only lasted like…a day?”

“Sometimes even shorter. It depends.” Miles’ fork reaches out again. This time Alex just gives up and lets Miles finish what’s left in his plate. “And I don’t smell the man that much, to be honest.”

“Really? This guy is driving me bonkers.” Alex lowers his voice and picks up an unwanted carrot from Miles’ plate. Suddenly it crosses his mind and Alex asks in worry. “Wait, are you coming down with something? Should I-” 

“No! God, quit being a mum, Alex.” Miles chuckles and then looks up, beaming at the waiter who approaches to ask if they want any desserts (Miles is always up to some desserts, unsurprisingly, and Alex just knows it’s gonna be the sweetest thing on the menu). When he returns to the conversation, Miles casually says, “I can just smell you, that’s why.” 

Alex blushes at his words instantly.

“Ah, I’m not even sweettalking you here, Alex. It's just how it is. Maybe it’s a bit weird, who knows.” Miles flashes him an airy smile, the one he always gives when he’s happy for nothing. In Alex defence, it’s really not all his fault when Miles is laughing like this. Alex blinks, and the terrifying truth is already out of his mouth. 

“I love you.”

Miles’ smile turns cold. He startles, retreating back until his shoulder blades are pressed firmly into the back of the seat. He stares at Alex, as if the idea genuinely surprises him. It makes Alex’s heart burn and he wants to scream what he just said again and again until the expression on Miles’ face is gone.

“I love you too, Al.” Miles answers. He frowns slightly and lays stress on the next one. “…almost everything about you.”

38.

Alexa is a good kisser.

She’s the one who landed a kiss first, on a party where Alex sat lonely and dreamily in a corner, pondering on a line of lyrics in the back of his head. She just walked up to him and asked for a dance, like that’s the most common thing in the world to invite someone whose name she didn’t even know for this task.

Alex was a horrible dancer, but he’s more terrible at saying no when she was eyeing him like that. He did find her attractive, after all, so when she put her hands around his waist and leaned in, Alex didn’t back off. 

He tasted a bit of gin, lipstick and cigarrete. She’s tiny but powerful, steering them both easily after a second of feeling Alex out. Soon Alex’s pushed to the edge, instinctively fighting for control. Alexa laughed and fought back, tearing into his mouth like a small wolf. They challenged each other for a good while until Alex backed down, gasping for air.

Alexa was still smiling. She didn’t even move on the dance floor. 

Alex felt so unbelievably relaxed like he’s back in the womb. He hadn’t been feeling this comfortable in his own skin since the argument he had with Miles weeks ago. “Hey, there.” She shook her head slightly to the right, subtly asking for Alex’s full attention. “What’s your name?”

39.

“I pushed you away.” Miles concludes, having no intention to speak for himself. “You like her a lot, and you’ve been together for a while, Alex. I understand.”

_Miles doesn’t understand to the slightest. _There’s nothing Alex wants that Miles can’t offer him. He has never wanted someone else as much as he craved for Miles’ love, and Alex doesn’t care about Miles being an omega: He can go be a fucking alien if he must be and Alex will still love him unhesitatingly. 

“I’m afraid of losing control, now just even more so.” Alex mutters, looking down at his fingertips. Miles reaches for his hand and wraps his own fingers around Alex’s. 

“It’s because of me stupid body.” He spits, in a dangerously dark tone.

Alex’s eyes flicker up at him from under the bangs. He argues, “It’s because of me, Miles. It’s…my head's not right.”

“It is not,” Miles agrees ruthlessly. But he smiles, afterward. “You’re lucky, because I happen to like your mind, even when it gets fucking annoying. And I was gonna tell you- I swear I was, after the tour ended. But then I got trapped in that studio and you started dating Alexa, so I just kept lying. I wasn’t leading you on for fun, Al. And believe me, it’s not fun at all.” 

They both go silent. There’s no denying that Miles loves him, and Alex can’t stop loving Miles if he tries. Ironically, it doesn’t help making things any easier when they sit down, both scared of losing what they already have once they take a step forward.

Alex recalls what Miles said to him earlier: What if he just couldn’t learn fast enough to be better and Miles gets fed up with him? It’s inevitable that he’d rub Miles the wrong way every now and then with the hopeless way Alex thinks. What if Miles eventually decides there’s no difference between Alex and any other alphas, that Alex isn’t what he’s looking for, after all?

“Alex,” Miles caresses his knuckles gently, breaking his endless nightmares.“Let’s just stick to the original plan and give it a go, okay?”

_The original plan, _which should include Alex choosing Miles over Alexa, that he just failed to carry out-

“I’m not asking you break up with her on the phone, Alex. Don’t be ridiculous.” Miles, being the mind-reader he is, shrugs and eases Alex’ nerves with a nod. “Just forget about it for now.”

Alex isn’t stupid enough to not notice the sour edge to Miles’ smile.

40.

Years and years later, after travelling around the whole world, if ever being asked, Alex will still choose the isolated French studio to be his favourite place on earth. 

There’s no magic potion to take all trouble away. However, since they’re already a few days behind schedule, once they meet up with James, music just naturally takes up most of Alex’s headspace. It’s so easy to work with Miles: Half of the time Alex feels like he’s working with another self, who knows and understands every thought that ever flickers across his mind.

Different from him, Miles is rapidly responsive and instinctive with new ideas. He always talks fast. “No no, that doesn't sound right. I want it to be more like…” Alex loves how Miles can be resolute but not to the point to be full of himself, and he takes no offence if Alex disagrees. On the contrary, Miles darts him a heated, longing look whenever Alex proposes something that he likes. He stares, half admiration, half flirtation in his eyes.

Both work for Alex, making him excited for _more._

It’s a torture to keep his hands off Miles, once Alex learns how it feels like to have Miles all to himself. James is around most of the daytime, either working on tracks or drinking wine on that small sofa in the corner, with a random magazine open on his knees. They have to sneak out of the house for a kiss or two. It never fails to leave Alex pathetically horny, longing for the night to fall.

41.

“Al, let’s go for a ride!” Miles shouts, waving a straw-hat at Alex and waits until he’s close enough to put it on Alex’s head. He giggles at Alex’s long face, insisting that it's cute and Alex should keep it.

“James said what we’ve got is good enough for this week. We can chill out today, ride to the lake. Can go to the town later if you want.”

“Nah, the lake sounds more fun.” Alex smiles back at him, following Miles out into the sun. There’re two bikes leaning against the wall in the yard, and Miles is already sitting on one when Alex grabs at the handle.

Miles challenges. “Race you to the pier?”

Alex bursts out laughing. “What a fair game, Miles. Only you know the route!”

“There’s a prize if you win.” The taller boy winks at him, nose furrowing with a wide smile. Alex wants to laugh at him for being such a dork, but instead he jumps on the bike and chases after Miles, who plays dirty and doesn’t wait for Alex to start.

It’s not a long ride. Half an hour later, Alex can smell the warm grass, lake water and fermented soil. His eyes feel a bit sore because of the glaring light of high noon, muscles tired and strained after fruitlessly trying to overtake Miles: The taller boy is probably much better at all kinds of sports than him.

Alex would suspect that Miles has made the mistake on purpose, tripping over such an obvious stump, if Miles isn’t thrown out and falls on the grass with a yelp. Alex yells as well, pinching the brakes so hard that his hands burn. He jumps off the bike and rushes back to Miles in sheer panic, worried that Miles might have just broken a bone or two. 

To his relief, Miles is laughing breathlessly on the ground when Alex kneels down beside him. “I’m okay. I’m okay!” He bats Alex’s arm away, blinking up while adding breezily. “You won. Congrats."

“Miles, I swear to God-” Alex’s speech dies down as Miles keeps staring at his lips hungrily. He snorts, still shivering with the remains of fear, and dips down to kiss Miles’ open mouth. There’s no trace of other people around, hence no pressure of controlling their feelings, no worry of being watched. 

Alex moans, grinding his pelvis down uncontrollably as Miles’ hands slide under his T-shirt and find a nipple to pinch. He lets out an unhappy whimper when Miles suggests that they should move out of the cycling track. “You can have your prize by the lake.” He licks Alex’s lower lip teasingly.

“And what exactly will that be?” Alex climbs off him reluctantly, but still lends Miles a hand for him to stand up as well. They walk their bicycles behind a flowered bush. Miles sits cross-legged on the grass, pulling out two bottles of water and his suppressant from Alex’ backpack.

Alex spills half of the bottle on himself when Miles asks for his attention. “This, Alex.” Miles says, holding the two pills up between his fingers for Alex to see. Alex is pretty sure his heart explodes when Miles throws the pills back over his shoulder. Then the omega boy looks at Alex straight in the eyes. He whispers. “I hope you like it.”

Shiny in his eyes is something piercing and burning, yet tender and raw at the same time. In that moment, Alex already knows _there’s no other way:_He’d make the same choice again and again, and in all them he would choose Miles Kane. 

_He’d always do._

+TBC+ 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I listened to Mystery of Love for too many times while writing this lol  
I have a problem for always having to end a chapter on an anxious cliff hanger but this time I really, really just wanna end on a happy note x Hope you'd enjoy!


	5. Chapter 5

42.  
They arrive in Paris late at night. Miles asks for one room to share and later finds out a honeymoon suite is given to them. Alex bursts out laughing, rolling down on the fluffy carpet with both hands over his stomach. For a second he looks so carefree and happy. It brings Miles down on his knees, can’t help but press a few playful kisses to Alex’s open mouth. 

Alex’s arms go around his waist, pulling him lower. They are both knackered from the long drive, hence there isn’t any “sex marathon on every inch of the hotel room” cliché. Alex holds him tightly and breathes him in, his smile slowly dissolving in the warm skin below Miles’ chin. 

Without all the extra hormones messing with his judgement, Miles isn’t nearly as lenient or blind. The pain gripping his throat feels too raw and too real whenever he’s brutally reminded that Alex’s taken, and he can see Alex is hesitant, too, despite having sworn that Miles won’t ever be his impulsive side-project. 

“…did you hear me?” Asks Alex again, raising his voice slightly. 

Miles rolls over and lies down on his back. Immediately, Alex reaches for his hand. His fingers are damp with sweat. “I said, I’d tell her over dinner. You don’t have to come. I’ll find you after…so you know.”

“You sure you don’t want me to be there when you get kicked out?” Miles casts a mocking glance at him. Alex’s eyes flee, hardened with determination after they return. Miles finds it frustrating whenever Alex instinctively tries to “act like an alpha” and pretends he isn’t torn. Miles’ heart loosens, feeling bad for being so childishly harsh on him. To a lesser degree, Miles feels guilty as well: he even talked to Alexa earlier on the phone. She kept saying he needed to stay for a few days after they were back. 

He wonders if she’d still be there welcoming them if she knew. Could she be able to tell that Alex smells of someone else? How would she cope when her unfaithful lover is brought to her face by a friend?

Alex tugs at his hand slightly, having noticed the change of attitude. “I asked you first, Miles.”

“Having second thoughts now?” 

“No, God no. It’s just-” 

“I understand.”

Alex stills and blinks at him in confusion. He almost looks more guilty when Miles sits up and suggests they should just have some shuteye. “I’m not mad at you, Al. I know how much you care about her. I don’t mind sharing the moral hazards with you. I mean, I certainly will.”

“I should call her now.” Alex murmurs after a long silence. Miles surely knows that he isn’t trying to be cruel or sarcastic in that situation: The call is something he’d promised to do in the morning, letting Alexa know that they arrived safely. But his body doesn’t want to follow his brain. 

Miles shrugs, trying his best to suppress the bitterness churning in his stomach. “Okay, go ahead. I’ll take the shower.” 

When he comes back, Alex is still on his phone out in the balcony. Miles doesn’t wait for him.

43.  
The flight back to London is shorter than a blink. Miles wishes the time can be stopped just for a while, so that he can frame the moment when the plane is almost empty, and Alex leans in for a quick kiss. Out in public, Alex rarely steps over the line. The feathery warmth lingers on Miles’ lips afterwards. As they get off the plane, he feels like it’s the stairway to heaven he’s walking on.

Subconsciously, Alex is standing ever so slightly too close to him, making Miles chuckle. The smile develops into a fit of laughter as they wait for their suitcases. “What?” Alex asks him, a little crossly. Miles can tell Alex is just faking the straight face. The corner of his mouth twitches, fighting the smile that’s about to surface. Miles is aching with the desire to hold his hands and snog him stupid until someone tells them off. 

The thought itself is dangerous enough for now. Miles just smirks and ignores Alex’s questioning look. Afterall, there isn’t a particular reason for him to laugh. He’s just happy.

However, the happiness he holds burns into ashes so easily so quickly: They are just walking out of the exit and suddenly, there’s a joyful scream of Alex’s name. A pair of heels knocks on the floor, followed by a beautiful figure that jumps into Alex’s surprised arms.

“Miss me, babe?” Alexa hums lowly, kissing Alex on the lips. She then looks over Alex’s shoulder and waves at Miles in excitement. “Hi, Miles! Always nice to see you. I hope Alex hasn’t being too annoying in the past weeks. Have you behaved, love?”

Alex turns into a shameful shade of red. He looks at Miles instinctively for help, but Miles can only stare at her possessive hands on Alex’s back. He shudders uncontrollably, staring down at his own shoes. Jealousy is an ugly, unhealthy emotion that won’t get him anywhere. Miles reminds himself with a mental pinch. Now is not the time for being petty.

“I thought you weren’t coming.” Alex whispers, his voice low enough to blur any emotions, but loud enough for all three of them to hear. 

“I’d wait for you guys at home, but then I got this letter in the mail- you remember the job in New York I told you about? It’s mine!” Alexa winks at him, thrilled and proud about the news. “There will be a dinner party next week and you’re coming with me, Alex. God, I can’t believe it’s already confirmed.”

Alex’s mouth drops open. A flash of guilt comes in and out of his eyes as he searches for an answer that will hurt less. It’s unbearable to watch Alex suffering, so Miles beats him to it. “Wow, that’s big! Congratulations, Alexa! Tonight you should go celebrate-”

“We should go celebrate. Come on, Miles.” She runs to him and gives Miles a hug as well, laughing. “I even cleaned the carpet in the guest room. Just ask Alex how often I do our laundry.”

Alex shrugs. He forces a smile, stretching an arm out for Alexa to hold. She wraps it around her waist. She does it so naturally and there’s no need for Alex to tense up and look around. Miles doesn’t know how he hasn’t disappeared from the spot yet. 

She chooses the right time to turn around, sparing Miles from embarrassing himself. Alexa wraps the fuzzy end of Alex’s hair in her fingers. Oblivious of the tension in the air, she grins. “Exactly! I don’t do it ever. Stay for a few more days, Miles?”

“I’d love to, but we’ve got the studio booked in for next week.” Miles lies. There’re still two more weeks until their first recording session. But she doesn’t need to know. 

“Just for tonight then. I’ve got work to do tomorrow morning, so it won’t be anything crazy.” She turns back to Alex, “Dinner and wine at the Italian place you like?”

“Of course.” Alex nods quietly, kissing the top of her head. His eyes are on Miles the whole time, pleading and apologizing, as he presses Alexa’ smiley face into his neck. Part of Miles wants to scream his objection. But he keeps himself under control, knowing that it is barely Alex’s fault that now she’s here. 

Miles shakes his head ever so slightly. He mouths at Alex. “It’s okay.”

Although he’s nowhere near okay, hearing the soft whispers and giggles they share in the backseat on the way back to Alex’s place. Miles looks out of the window, trying his best to distract himself with the passing views. He doesn’t feel any pain yet. It all just seems a bit unreal, like he’s somehow caught in a nightmare and all he needs to do is to wake up. 

Miles can’t seem to escape the dream no matter how hard he squeezes his fingers together. 

44.  
Miles pays little attention to what he’s chewing. He wants to at least show some enthusiasm to their conversation, but all his ability of pretending has been exhausted in the past months. It’s so much harder to act nonchalant when he knows the taste of Alex’s lips. 

Looking down into his plate, on the edge of his sight Miles watches as Alexa mutters something into Alex’s ear, successfully dragging a small but genuine smile out of him. 

His fork misses the mark and bumps shrilly on the edge of the plate. The lovebirds look up in sync. They are sitting close enough that Alexa’s long hair is tangled with Alex’s soft curls on his shoulder. 

Miles is pretty sure his voice is loaded with quivers when he excuses himself to the toilet. 

He feels numb and dizzy, fingers slipping down the tap a few times, failing to get it open. Alex pushes open the door at Miles’ third try. He looks even more miserable than Miles feels inside. “I’m so sorry.” Alex approaches him, arms falling on his sides in a gesture of surrender. It’s hard to get angry when Alex is this close. And once he starts to apologize, Miles already knows the answer.

“You can’t tell Alexa.”

“I’ll let her know, Miles. But I- I don’t wanna ruin today for her.” Alex admits, his mouth grim. 

To his reply Miles sneers. “So it’s better to lie to her. How kind of you, Alex.”

Taken aback by Miles’ temper, Alex flinches, but doesn’t defend himself. Seeing the hurt on his face, Miles pinches the bridge of his nose and sighs in regret. He doesn’t mean to play the blaming game. He’s just upset. “You know, usually I’m better than this, but I’ve been a bit rusty with me acting skills recently.”

The weak attempt of a joke makes Alex frown deeper. He peers up, eyes falling into Miles’ waiting ones. Suddenly, the shorter boy grabs at Miles’ collar and yanks him down, then his tongue is in Miles’ mouth. The kiss is brief like a lightning and fierce all the same, leaving Miles soaked with the scent of the alpha. How come that still no one notices how much of Alex is left on him? “It’s alright. I know how you’re like, Al” Miles says when they part, and it’s true. He knows there’s no way Alex can tell her now, breaking Alexa’s heart like this. 

This time Alex wants to say something back, but Miles stops him with another kiss. “We shall head back.”

When they walk to the table, the pain starts to rain down.

45.  
For many times Miles has stayed in the guest room of Alex’s flat. Before Alexa moved in, more often than not, Alex would end up sleeping in the guest room also. They’d always find something too interesting to save for tomorrow and the next thing they knew, the sun’s up and Alex would take half of the bed, most of the blanket and all of Miles’ heart. 

Now Miles has the room to his own, his heart somehow still lost to the boy next door, it feels too spacious and empty for him to sit still. Surely today is not the day, but what about tomorrow? Next week? No date on the calendar seems to be an appropriate date for breaking the news to Alexa. Then again, what is there to tell? 

A hesitant, unexpected knock startles Miles out of his thoughts. Then Alex comes in, gingerly shutting door as if he’s worried about drawing attention in his own place. He’s changed into some heavily laundered grey T-shirt and sweatpants. The soles of his bare feet tap quietly on the carpeted floor. 

The look of Alex makes Miles’ chest swell with aching adoration, despite the promise to him Alex has broken. “Hmm…you miss me.” Miles lets a smile slip out when Alex climbs on bed quietly. There’s a malevolent bruise on the right side of his neck, which Miles’ fingers find instantly. He’s only half joking. “Okay, maybe not so much.”

“Miles, please.” Alex silences him in a soft, apologetic tone. He smells faintly of shampoo bar and detergent, but mostly just like himself. The idea comes so fast that Miles doesn’t even have the chance to think twice. Miles stretches out a hand - A push of a button switches off the lamp and paints the room all black. 

Later when he thinks about it, Miles may realize it’s a pathetic attempt to claim Alex as his own. He desperately wants Alexa to find out, or even catch them on site. In his arms Alex struggles to sit up. “What-” He stammers, distracted – Miles just finds the spot he knows Alex likes to be caressed under his left shoulder blade. “No, no Miles, we can’t-”

“Shhh, just be quiet, Al.” Miles urges. He can smell the shift of Alex’s attitude, knowing the exact moment where he wins. 

Alex hisses when Miles strokes his semi-hard cock through the sweatpants. He squirms, opening his legs wide for Miles to have better access. With all the rushed touches and muffled whimpers, Alex appears to be almost obedient, silently letting Miles push him to the limit, and then a bit further. The air is thin but heavy. Miles feels himself blushing with pleasure as a delicious, lustful moan bubbles out of Alex. 

“Look at what happened to you, Al.” He mutters in a raspy voice, wheezing heavily. “You’d like to come, am I right?”

Underneath him Alex shudders, spine curving up into a beautiful, pleading shape. Both of his hands find Miles’ hair and pulls him forward, searching hungrily for his sneering lips. Miles holds Alex’s swollen knot, squeezing lightly while teasing the sensitive head with his thumb. “Want your knot, Alex.” He pictures darkly, stroking Alex harder and faster. “I want her to walk in and find you locked inside of me, marking me as yours.”

A strange tickling sensation wells up in Miles’ throat when Alex throws his head back and comes all over his stomach. His arms feel a bit out of order when Alex opens his eyes again to look at him. Miles is close to laughing, although he doesn’t find the moment any funny. He falls back down to bed next to Alex, burying his face in the crook of Alex’s neck and bites down lightly on his pulse, carefully not to leave any marks as Alex returns the favour. 

When they quiet down, from the living room Miles can hear the faint noise of the TV.

“I came to ask if you wanna watch something with me and Lex.”

Miles laughs. “Take a shower before you go, okay? Tell her…next time.” The sudden change of his voice surprises them both. He doesn’t feel much when he speaks, but afterwards, a sense of loss hits Miles so strong that he’s paralyzed for a good while. He realizes he has to shut up. Otherwise, he may just embarrass himself further and start to cry.

Even in the darkness Alex knows him well. There’s a hint of hurt in the way Alex shifts, arguing in surprise. “There won’t be a next time.”

“She’s already talking about dressing you herself for the dinner. At least you’ll stay with Alexa before that. Then something else may come up, you never know.” Miles raises his hand up in the air, gesturing at an imaginary scenario that’s unlikely to be kind. Alex’s gaze is glued on him the whole time. 

In a thin voice, Alex defends himself for the first time. That’s the last thing he says to Miles before he gets up and leaves. “You talk like you know better, Miles.”

46.  
Miles thinks of it a lot before they come to this. He thinks of it more than he should, even when Alex was smiling freely at him under the golden light with unhidden adoration in his eyes. It’s the way Alex tenses up when there’re other people around, the way he retreats and hides himself when unexpected attention is drawn to them, and the way his face dims when her voice rings. 

If Miles is being completely honest with himself, he’ll have Alex in any way the alpha boy likes to offer. He’s just uncertain that how much of Alex he’ll get to keep the second he leaves London. Of course, he can call Alex anytime he wants to, but what he’s allowed to say in those? What he’s allowed to write in the massages he sends to make Alex comfortable enough to read them without looking up in guilt?

He isn’t someone who believes the crap about fate, but Miles always trusts his gut feelings. This time the anticipation of getting his heart broken is so strong that by the time Miles gets into the cab, he is already fully prepared for Alex to walk away. 

To his relief, following his lead, Alex climbs in the backseat as well, waving Alexa goodbye for them both. As the taxi drives away, it’s difficult to stay cool about the looming goodbyes, and to accept that their time together is almost over. Alex is likely thinking of the same thing. He has the look that indicates a brute struggle inside his head. At the moment, Miles is wishing Alex weren’t wearing any spray. He craves Alex’s scent, even when it’s agitated and lack of comfort. 

Right next to him Alex keeps quiet. He doesn’t do much than looking out of the window, sitting up straight, shoulders far away from the seat. 

The sight of him makes Miles blur out. “I’m still your friend, Al.”

Alex casts him a weird look after hearing that, chest rising and falling with every laboured breath. “I know.” He spits, eyes squeezing tightly close for a second, as if disgusted by the idea of it. “I should have-”

“We’ll do this again, right Alex? Write new music, record together, get away from…whatever.” Miles interrupts him. It’s not like he blames Alex for the situation they’re in, or he doesn’t believe a word Alex has to say. But he’s childishly unsatisfied and in need of one more thing to hold on to. 

Alex seems a bit stiff, nodding his head slowly to the empty promise of another album. All he wants to say previously gets lost in seconds. He forces a smile. “…yeah, someday.” 

Somehow, it sounds like a different way to say goodbye.

**Author's Note:**

> I wasn't gonna post this story but here we are. It's not really a typical ABO dynamic I'm trying to write, but still (I'm nervous that no one would like this) If you have read to here, thank you so much! Please don't hesitate to let me know what you think.


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